1 00:00:00,231 --> 00:00:04,885 Look, I know we've only been seeing each other 2 00:00:04,886 --> 00:00:06,086 for, like, three weeks, 3 00:00:06,087 --> 00:00:07,656 but I really wanted you to meet my dad. 4 00:00:07,657 --> 00:00:09,461 It's okay, I'm great with parents. 5 00:00:09,462 --> 00:00:11,298 And he's just like any other parent, 6 00:00:11,299 --> 00:00:13,569 you know, except he has experience in gathering 7 00:00:13,570 --> 00:00:15,942 information and breaking enemy combatants. 8 00:00:15,943 --> 00:00:17,477 I thought he loved woodworking. 9 00:00:17,478 --> 00:00:19,681 Well, that's to sharpen his knife collection. 10 00:00:19,682 --> 00:00:22,555 - Well, well. Hello. - Whoo! 11 00:00:22,621 --> 00:00:25,393 Good morning. 12 00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:27,231 But what exactly is happening? 13 00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,633 Oh, it's nothing weird. 14 00:00:28,634 --> 00:00:30,570 You know, this is just a standard background check. 15 00:00:30,571 --> 00:00:32,743 He does it for every guy I introduce him to, 16 00:00:32,776 --> 00:00:34,586 so it's a fun surprise for both of us. 17 00:00:34,611 --> 00:00:38,888 - A-a background check? - Michael Avery Grant, correct? 18 00:00:38,889 --> 00:00:39,889 Yes. 19 00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:42,628 Age 36, graduated with honor speech pathology. 20 00:00:42,695 --> 00:00:46,804 Uh, teaching kids to learn to communicate is my true joy. 21 00:00:46,805 --> 00:00:47,838 Aw, yeah. 22 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,112 And I ran a-a check on your criminal record, 23 00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,481 and that came up spotless. 24 00:00:52,547 --> 00:00:53,817 Of course, I knew it. 25 00:00:53,851 --> 00:00:56,289 There was one detail that bothered me, 26 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,526 which is that you're currently married. 27 00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:00,999 - Married? - I-I can explain. 28 00:01:01,099 --> 00:01:02,367 Uh... 29 00:01:02,368 --> 00:01:04,571 The divorce isn't final, but we're separated. 30 00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:06,274 Well, that's fine. You know, sometimes 31 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,510 love doesn't last forever. 32 00:01:07,511 --> 00:01:09,621 Yes, but the part that bothered me is that 33 00:01:09,716 --> 00:01:12,186 your wife's grandmother and your grandmother, 34 00:01:12,188 --> 00:01:14,158 they share the same last name. 35 00:01:14,191 --> 00:01:15,862 Okay, well, dad, a lot of people 36 00:01:15,895 --> 00:01:18,968 share the same last name. It's not a big deal. 37 00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:22,340 My ex-wife is my cousin. 38 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:23,510 - Ha! - Ooh! 39 00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:25,079 But only my first cousin. 40 00:01:25,113 --> 00:01:26,163 - Oh. - Ooh. 41 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,716 Mike, that is the closest kind. 42 00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:29,521 Why is it fine for kings to do it? 43 00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:30,656 - It's not! - It's not! 44 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,494 That's why we loved Lady Di. 45 00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:33,763 She was the only one who didn't look sickly. 46 00:01:33,764 --> 00:01:35,694 Yeah, she's the only one with her chin. 47 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,039 Mike, Mike. Leave. 48 00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:42,014 I-I have the worst taste in men. 49 00:01:42,081 --> 00:01:44,318 You really do, honey. I mean, you line them up. 50 00:01:44,385 --> 00:01:47,090 It's just loser, loser, loser, loser, loser. 51 00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:49,128 - Yeah, I get it. - Yeah, um... 52 00:01:49,195 --> 00:01:50,799 But you know, love is forever. 53 00:01:50,832 --> 00:01:53,102 Especially when you marry your cousin. 54 00:01:53,103 --> 00:01:55,840 We're gonna laugh about this later. 55 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:58,914 - You're laughing now. - I know. It's just so funny. 56 00:02:19,555 --> 00:02:22,796 You know this is giving divorced dad, right? 57 00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:24,597 Taking your sad daughter to ice cream 58 00:02:24,598 --> 00:02:26,836 to make her feel better. What's next? 59 00:02:26,903 --> 00:02:28,713 Eating cold hot dogs over the sink? 60 00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:31,747 Meeting your lady friend at that dog track? 61 00:02:31,814 --> 00:02:34,318 Is the ice cream making you feel better? 62 00:02:34,385 --> 00:02:35,554 - Yeah. - Okay. 63 00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:37,424 Then it's doing its job. 64 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,694 If the Red Sox can break the curse of the Bambino, 65 00:02:39,695 --> 00:02:42,635 you can definitely break the curse of dating bad men. 66 00:02:42,701 --> 00:02:45,173 Do you know why I'm cursed, dad? 67 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,344 Why-why I pick bad men? 68 00:02:47,411 --> 00:02:49,682 - No. Why? - Well, I'll give you a hint. 69 00:02:49,716 --> 00:02:51,586 Um, he's driving the van. 70 00:02:51,653 --> 00:02:53,189 How could it be my fault? I... 71 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,695 You can't have daddy issues if your dad was never around. 72 00:02:56,763 --> 00:02:59,335 - Do you hear yourself? - Yes. 73 00:02:59,368 --> 00:03:01,573 There are way worse dads than me. 74 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,543 - Name one. - Stalin, one. 75 00:03:03,576 --> 00:03:04,946 - Bing Crosby, two. - Mm. Mm! 76 00:03:05,013 --> 00:03:07,451 Number three, Marvin Gaye's dad shot him. 77 00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:09,120 So you look at those guys, all of a sudden... 78 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:12,729 - You're the fourth worst dad. - That's not what I was gonna... 79 00:03:12,795 --> 00:03:15,768 Dad, this is serious. I'm... 80 00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:19,208 I'm starting to think that I'm gonna die alone. 81 00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:20,476 You're not gonna die alone. 82 00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:22,414 - Really? - Yeah, I'm gonna be there. 83 00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:24,417 The military is gonna download my brain 84 00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:27,056 into some kind of Terminator style robot 85 00:03:27,057 --> 00:03:28,107 and then, you know, 86 00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:31,365 I'll outlive you by, like, probably a thousand years. 87 00:03:31,465 --> 00:03:33,871 Hey, what the hell is this? 88 00:03:33,904 --> 00:03:35,640 What am I looking at? 89 00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:37,879 Well, based on the signs I'm reading 90 00:03:37,946 --> 00:03:41,286 that you could also read, these are Belgian separatists. 91 00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,856 They're demonstrating 92 00:03:42,857 --> 00:03:44,557 because they want to form their own country. 93 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,961 I already don't respect Belgium 94 00:03:45,962 --> 00:03:47,965 because it's basically Luxembourg with better PR. 95 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:51,505 Now they want to form a tinier, lamier country. 96 00:03:51,572 --> 00:03:53,543 - Lamier. - Yeah. 97 00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,950 Dad. Dad. Dad! What are you doing? 98 00:03:57,017 --> 00:04:00,357 - Oh, that was so rude. - How dare you! 99 00:04:02,327 --> 00:04:03,696 Oh, that was the flag. 100 00:04:03,764 --> 00:04:05,367 Well, they ought to work on that 101 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,150 'cause it looked like a sheet to me. 102 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,545 Happy Friday. 103 00:04:11,612 --> 00:04:13,783 Happy Friday. 104 00:04:13,784 --> 00:04:16,556 Oh, no. No, no, no. We're not doing that. 105 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,692 This weekend is the better opportunities 106 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,998 for single soldier's happy hour. 107 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,868 Yes. We're gonna get you over that cousin humper. 108 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:24,940 Hey, he was a cousin marrier, okay? 109 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,212 He put a ring on it. It was their grandmother's. 110 00:04:28,246 --> 00:04:31,685 Um, you know, I-I was only ever really into Mike 111 00:04:31,686 --> 00:04:33,422 because I thought that he was the perfect guy 112 00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:34,892 to help me get over Shah. 113 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:37,798 And now I have two guys to get over. 114 00:04:37,832 --> 00:04:39,601 - Just come out tomorrow. - No. 115 00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:42,708 Look, my picker is so bad. 116 00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:44,846 The only good pick I've ever had was Shah. 117 00:04:44,879 --> 00:04:47,517 - Girl, he is married. - Good point. 118 00:04:47,584 --> 00:04:50,157 Okay, look, this isn't a regular singles mixer. 119 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,793 This is Maggie proof. 120 00:04:51,794 --> 00:04:53,963 I had Papadakis hack into the invite list, 121 00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:56,601 and the first thing we did was get rid of all the women. 122 00:04:56,602 --> 00:04:58,974 And second, I've invited the best officers 123 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,880 from nearby bases, Europe and beyond. 124 00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:03,449 Okay, I'm talking cream of the crop. 125 00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:05,654 Top of the top, all for you. 126 00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,322 Wait, so you're telling me that you basically 127 00:05:07,323 --> 00:05:10,630 designed my own personal episode of The Bachelorette? 128 00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:14,671 Yes. And you can immediately go to Fantasy Suites. 129 00:05:14,672 --> 00:05:17,009 And I won't be judging, but I will want details. 130 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:20,250 - And if my bad picker tries to- - No, no, no, it won't. 131 00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:23,422 Look, because there is not a bad pick in the batch. 132 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:24,759 - You can't lose. - Genius. 133 00:05:24,793 --> 00:05:26,429 - Yeah! - I'm in. 134 00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:31,605 Aah! Whoo! 135 00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,575 There's nothing like finishing the last item 136 00:05:33,576 --> 00:05:35,781 on your to-do list by 1500. 137 00:05:35,814 --> 00:05:37,718 This must be what drugs feel like. 138 00:05:37,752 --> 00:05:40,524 If you, uh, come down from your high soon enough, 139 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,793 there's a Bruins game on 140 00:05:41,794 --> 00:05:43,562 pretty late tomorrow night at my house. 141 00:05:43,563 --> 00:05:44,899 - That-that sounds good. Yeah. - Yeah. 142 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,134 I can use a little break from Celeste. 143 00:05:46,135 --> 00:05:47,771 Now that we're living together again, 144 00:05:47,772 --> 00:05:49,106 after how much talking goes into a marriage, 145 00:05:49,107 --> 00:05:50,643 I mean, you have to, like, live your day. 146 00:05:50,644 --> 00:05:51,945 Then you have to recap your day. 147 00:05:51,946 --> 00:05:53,615 Then you have to listen to them recap their day. 148 00:05:53,616 --> 00:05:54,753 Get to live two days. 149 00:05:54,786 --> 00:05:56,456 Oh, God, if you come to my house... 150 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,591 - None of that. - Great. 151 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,330 Right? Oh... 152 00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:01,599 Quinn. 153 00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,069 Bonjour, this is Bastian, 154 00:06:03,136 --> 00:06:05,573 the leader of the Belgian Separatist Movement. 155 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,546 Ah, uh... I don't recognize the name. 156 00:06:08,547 --> 00:06:10,015 Did we go to high school together? 157 00:06:10,016 --> 00:06:12,006 I was protesting in front of your base, 158 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,757 and you drove through a flag 159 00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,360 and that was disrespectful. 160 00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:16,796 No, I drove through a sheet. 161 00:06:16,863 --> 00:06:19,368 Okay. That was blocking the entrance 162 00:06:19,435 --> 00:06:20,636 to my army base. 163 00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,106 You were trespassing on US soil. 164 00:06:22,107 --> 00:06:23,777 I demand a public apology. 165 00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:25,446 Let me tell you something, pal. 166 00:06:25,447 --> 00:06:26,547 You're barking up the wrong tree. 167 00:06:26,548 --> 00:06:28,385 I have never apologized for anything in my life. 168 00:06:28,386 --> 00:06:29,789 Not one thing. 169 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,658 I didn't even apologize when I missed my daughter's birth. 170 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,794 Oh. You will apologize. 171 00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:34,098 Or else what? 172 00:06:34,164 --> 00:06:35,666 I don't have an "or else." 173 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,200 We are a non-violent movement. 174 00:06:37,201 --> 00:06:39,707 You got to have an "or else" when you're making demands. 175 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,818 Okay, it's just like that's day one stuff. 176 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,384 So, anyways, thanks for calling. 177 00:06:44,385 --> 00:06:45,822 I needed to laugh 178 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:47,690 and, uh, I'll never talk to you again. 179 00:06:47,691 --> 00:06:49,963 - Bye-bye. - Okay, I traced the call. 180 00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:52,199 I will notify Stroopsdorf Police, all three of them. 181 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,605 That'll teach him to threaten the US Army. 182 00:06:54,672 --> 00:06:56,675 Go slap the cuffs on his pervert ass. 183 00:06:56,676 --> 00:06:57,844 Wait, how do you know he's a pervert? 184 00:06:57,845 --> 00:06:59,314 Well, he speaks French. 185 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,528 Hello, military boys. 186 00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:08,131 I only know how to make Mai Tai's 187 00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:11,272 and trouble, but I'm really good at making both. 188 00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:14,211 - Ooh, guess who looks so good! - Hi, hi, hi. 189 00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:15,580 Thank you. Yeah. 190 00:07:15,647 --> 00:07:17,618 Wow, this is, uh, amazing. 191 00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:20,590 I-I feel like I'm in a Jane Austen novel, 192 00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,729 except I can inherit property. 193 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:24,831 Hey, are we at all concerned that these many men 194 00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:26,200 will be disappointed that there 195 00:07:26,201 --> 00:07:28,204 - is only one woman to talk to? - Uh, handled. 196 00:07:28,205 --> 00:07:31,578 Allow me to introduce you to the amazing Papadakis. 197 00:07:31,612 --> 00:07:33,649 Amazing Papadakis. 198 00:07:33,717 --> 00:07:35,788 Okay, so what's-what's happening? 199 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,861 Also, Papadakis is gonna entertain the rest of the men 200 00:07:38,894 --> 00:07:40,154 with some up-close magic 201 00:07:40,196 --> 00:07:42,835 while you pull a bombshell for a chat. 202 00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:44,806 Oh, I thought you were the magician. 203 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,978 Every great magician needs a less talented assist. 204 00:07:48,012 --> 00:07:51,652 - Oh. - Pick a card, any card. 205 00:07:51,685 --> 00:07:53,724 Now put it back in the deck. 206 00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:56,997 Now check Papadakis's front chest pocket. 207 00:07:57,030 --> 00:08:00,002 - Ooh. Okay. - I know nothing's in there. 208 00:08:00,036 --> 00:08:02,174 I have very sensitive nipples. 209 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,413 Those are a gift from God and you should cherish them. 210 00:08:05,446 --> 00:08:07,617 Unless... 211 00:08:07,684 --> 00:08:09,555 - Is this your card? - Yeah. 212 00:08:09,621 --> 00:08:10,991 Gideon, you're so good. 213 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,995 Uh, no, I'm the magician. 214 00:08:13,062 --> 00:08:14,799 I pulled the card from my pocket. 215 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,000 He just does all the technical stuff 216 00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:17,203 that leads up to the reveal. 217 00:08:17,204 --> 00:08:18,740 - Isn't that the magic? - No. 218 00:08:18,807 --> 00:08:21,312 Magic is about charisma and charm, 219 00:08:21,378 --> 00:08:22,481 which I have in spades. 220 00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:23,817 You are full of spades. 221 00:08:23,883 --> 00:08:26,723 - Oh, Gideon, yes! - Oh, that's good. That's good. 222 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,894 Puns and props. Who are you, Carrot Top? 223 00:08:28,895 --> 00:08:30,262 Just keep the men from leaving. 224 00:08:30,263 --> 00:08:32,701 Otherwise, I'm gonna make you two disappear. 225 00:08:32,702 --> 00:08:34,403 Now, let's go find your soulmate. 226 00:08:34,404 --> 00:08:35,640 Mm-hmm. 227 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,891 I wonder how Maggie's big night is. 228 00:08:47,164 --> 00:08:48,333 Maggie's what? 229 00:08:48,366 --> 00:08:51,371 Conway's throwing Maggie her big boss dating event 230 00:08:51,438 --> 00:08:54,044 as a sort of factory reset for her love life. 231 00:08:54,045 --> 00:08:55,546 It's good that she's getting some help, 232 00:08:55,547 --> 00:08:57,107 especially after that last guy. 233 00:08:57,116 --> 00:09:00,457 - He really did a number on her. - Oh, yeah. 234 00:09:00,557 --> 00:09:01,726 Which, you know, 235 00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:05,367 is her fault because she picked them. 236 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,006 Like it doesn't have anything to do with me, right? 237 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,042 What? 238 00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,949 This is... gonna sound crazy, 239 00:09:12,982 --> 00:09:15,721 but she said to me that, you know, 240 00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:18,761 it was my fault that she picks bad guys. 241 00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:20,261 You know, Freud did have a lot to say about 242 00:09:20,262 --> 00:09:22,265 parental dynamics affecting adult relationships. 243 00:09:22,266 --> 00:09:24,973 Yeah, well, you know, he was a cocaine addled freak, 244 00:09:24,974 --> 00:09:26,374 so I think we're in the clear there. 245 00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:28,211 Yeah, a lot of other psychologists think the same. 246 00:09:28,212 --> 00:09:30,562 You'd be surprised how many people are on coke. 247 00:09:34,258 --> 00:09:36,095 - Yeah. Quinn. - Bonsoir, Colonel. 248 00:09:36,096 --> 00:09:38,365 What the hell? Why is your pervert ass not in jail? 249 00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:40,502 I was released on bail since I am no flight risk. 250 00:09:40,503 --> 00:09:43,242 I will stay here forever to fight for my country. 251 00:09:43,308 --> 00:09:45,914 Your country. Yes. Like, your made-up country. 252 00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:48,418 It's like saying I'm gonna take a bullet for Narnia. 253 00:09:48,419 --> 00:09:50,490 I'm calling you with your "or else." 254 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,625 Okay. 255 00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,562 I'm here to destroy something that you care 256 00:09:53,563 --> 00:09:56,201 about and, uh, don't bother tracing the call 257 00:09:56,202 --> 00:09:57,971 because it's coming from inside the base. 258 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,243 What? Hey, you don't hang up on me, you... 259 00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:03,015 Okay, wait, did we just turn a separatist into a terrorist? 260 00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:05,387 No, this guy's a non-violent terrorist. 261 00:10:05,453 --> 00:10:08,259 Which is like saying you're a castrated gigolo. 262 00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:10,130 You know what I mean? He's unhinged. 263 00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,966 And if he wants an unhinged competition, 264 00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:13,268 he came to the right guy. 265 00:10:13,269 --> 00:10:14,905 A lot of punches are gonna be blown. 266 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:15,941 It's gonna be a battle. 267 00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:17,343 I'm gonna bring my brass knuckles to this party. 268 00:10:17,344 --> 00:10:18,394 Let's go to Narnia. 269 00:10:20,224 --> 00:10:23,956 We implemented an exterior lockdown. 270 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,128 MPs are patrolling on foot and by car. 271 00:10:26,162 --> 00:10:28,432 You know what? S-stupid Belgians. 272 00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:30,003 They're just so... 273 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,072 Well, I don't know what they are actually, 274 00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:35,313 'cause I never cared enough to research the stereotypes. 275 00:10:35,314 --> 00:10:36,414 I did. 276 00:10:36,415 --> 00:10:38,185 They are everything that is bad about the French 277 00:10:38,186 --> 00:10:40,322 without anything that is good about the French. 278 00:10:40,323 --> 00:10:41,759 If he's gonna sabotage something, 279 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,531 it's gonna be the cheese. 280 00:10:44,532 --> 00:10:45,465 Hey. 281 00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,202 Let's go, let's go, let's go. Come on. 282 00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:49,307 Let's go. 283 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:52,414 Is that a picture of Gideon holding your card? 284 00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,497 - That's my phone. - Huh! 285 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,508 Hey, we got a situation. 286 00:11:06,509 --> 00:11:09,179 One of the Belgian protesters has infiltrated the base, 287 00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:11,051 and is threatening sabotage. 288 00:11:11,118 --> 00:11:12,687 - Sabotage? - Yeah. 289 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,024 - Here? - Yeah. 290 00:11:14,025 --> 00:11:15,793 Okay, what is he gonna do, pee in our cheese? 291 00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:17,263 - Well? - Oh, my God. 292 00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:18,933 Is he gonna pee in our cheese? 293 00:11:18,934 --> 00:11:20,235 We need to shut this event down. 294 00:11:20,236 --> 00:11:22,173 No, Maggie is just getting started. 295 00:11:22,174 --> 00:11:24,243 And Papadakis is gonna saw Gideon in half, 296 00:11:24,244 --> 00:11:26,147 and, you know, he doesn't know how to do that. 297 00:11:26,148 --> 00:11:28,084 Okay, well, maybe we could stay here and just, like, 298 00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:29,135 block the exits. 299 00:11:29,154 --> 00:11:30,323 What, are you nuts? 300 00:11:30,324 --> 00:11:32,126 We have a fox in the hen house, okay? 301 00:11:32,127 --> 00:11:34,063 We need to stop him before he does real damage. 302 00:11:34,064 --> 00:11:35,332 Well, with Maggie's taste of men, 303 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:37,036 she'll probably find him right away. 304 00:11:37,037 --> 00:11:38,504 'Cause she's got like a magnet for losers. 305 00:11:38,505 --> 00:11:40,543 - That's the plan. Perfect. - What? 306 00:11:40,544 --> 00:11:42,546 - I was joking. Stop. - That is morally reprehensive. 307 00:11:42,547 --> 00:11:44,016 - We cannot do that. - Morally reprehensive? 308 00:11:44,017 --> 00:11:45,353 Absolutely not. 309 00:11:45,386 --> 00:11:47,825 It's-it's a perfect plan. She leads us to the guy. 310 00:11:47,826 --> 00:11:49,093 You distract her. We grab the guy. 311 00:11:49,094 --> 00:11:50,495 She's none the wiser. She starts talking 312 00:11:50,496 --> 00:11:52,299 - to some other guy. - I don't want to do that. 313 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,137 Okay, how can you be so sure that she's gonna find him? 314 00:11:54,138 --> 00:11:55,339 'Cause she's always looking for 315 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,910 the next jerk like Rick Silver. 316 00:11:56,911 --> 00:11:58,077 Okay, so here she comes. 317 00:11:58,078 --> 00:11:59,547 Just be cool. Be cool. 318 00:11:59,614 --> 00:12:00,851 - Hey. - Hey. 319 00:12:00,918 --> 00:12:02,487 Hi. What's going on? 320 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,958 - What are you guys doing here? - We are here to cheer you on. 321 00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:06,797 - Yes. Go, Maggie. - Maggie. 322 00:12:06,863 --> 00:12:08,498 - Win dates. - Win dates. 323 00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:09,399 Stop. 324 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,270 You meet anybody special? Um, tall? 325 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:13,042 I can't say that anyone's 326 00:12:13,043 --> 00:12:14,276 really giving me, like, the jolt yet. 327 00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:16,113 - The jolt? - Well, you know, the jolt. 328 00:12:16,114 --> 00:12:17,924 Like the-the-the whiff of danger, 329 00:12:17,952 --> 00:12:19,354 the thrill of the unknown. 330 00:12:19,387 --> 00:12:22,962 I'll get a little tingle in my, um, in my heart. 331 00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:24,965 Yeah. Like she got with Rick Silver, right? 332 00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,335 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 333 00:12:26,336 --> 00:12:28,237 Rick Silver's a liar, a cheater and a spy. 334 00:12:28,238 --> 00:12:31,879 Yeah. Liar, cheater, spy for America. 335 00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,082 You know what, honey? 336 00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:35,386 The important thing is not to give up. 337 00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:37,792 Look at me, the guy, uh, you know, 338 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,294 three divorces down 339 00:12:39,327 --> 00:12:42,200 and I'm still looking for my fourth, you know? 340 00:12:42,267 --> 00:12:44,905 So just go out there and get a jolt. Yeah. 341 00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:46,274 Okay, I'll go back to what I was doing. 342 00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:47,476 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great. 343 00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:48,979 - Yeah, all right. - Follow your instincts. 344 00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:50,416 Look for the jolt. All right. 345 00:12:50,483 --> 00:12:54,424 So she's gonna lead us right to the French perv. 346 00:12:54,491 --> 00:12:57,030 And then we grab him, black bag him. 347 00:12:57,031 --> 00:12:58,164 - Black bag him? - Yeah. 348 00:12:58,165 --> 00:12:59,633 We never leave home without it. 349 00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,540 - All right, let's fan out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 350 00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,918 Thank you very much! 351 00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:09,120 Okay, go ahead. 352 00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:11,225 Oh, my God. I love dogs. 353 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:13,629 Oh. Oh. So-so these aren't your dogs. 354 00:13:13,663 --> 00:13:18,807 These are, uh, just photos of random corgis. 355 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,709 That's cool. Um... 356 00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,853 Wow, oh, so you deliver sanitary products 357 00:13:24,919 --> 00:13:26,119 to developing nations? 358 00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:27,958 As a male feminist, uh, 359 00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:29,962 it's important to connect to menstruation. 360 00:13:29,963 --> 00:13:31,933 You say "menstruation" a lot. 361 00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:34,605 Would it be better if I said "menses?" 362 00:13:34,671 --> 00:13:37,076 No, that's a lot worse. 363 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,120 Un biere, s'il vous plait. 364 00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:43,447 Oof, what is that accent? 365 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,193 It just makes my tailbone tingle. 366 00:13:45,226 --> 00:13:46,495 And why are you here? 367 00:13:46,561 --> 00:13:49,001 Oh, I'm just here hoping to meet somebody 368 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,147 from the base tonight. 369 00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:51,906 Maybe. No, I'm tempted. 370 00:13:51,907 --> 00:13:53,274 But this night is not about me. 371 00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:55,246 You should talk to Captain Maggie. 372 00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,916 She's the star of the evening. 373 00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:59,087 - Captain, huh? - Mm-hmm. 374 00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:10,209 She's smiling, and he has a Belgian beer. 375 00:14:12,213 --> 00:14:14,084 Well, she's into him. 376 00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:15,385 And we have physical contact. 377 00:14:15,386 --> 00:14:18,158 You're really funny. That's... 378 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,162 - Nobody's that funny. - No. 379 00:14:20,195 --> 00:14:24,104 I'm going to get water, but I'll be back. 380 00:14:24,171 --> 00:14:25,706 - Move it. - Yeah. 381 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,513 Thank you! All right, let's go. 382 00:14:29,514 --> 00:14:31,051 Thank you very much. 383 00:14:31,085 --> 00:14:32,553 Come on. Let's go. Let's go. 384 00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:34,992 - Out, out, out. Yep, yep... - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 385 00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:37,196 How did you get in here? 386 00:14:37,263 --> 00:14:38,599 That's right, yeah. 387 00:14:38,665 --> 00:14:41,071 - Get in that chair! Yeah. - Got him, got him. Go. 388 00:14:44,077 --> 00:14:45,613 - Ha-ha! - Hah! 389 00:14:45,614 --> 00:14:47,549 Yeah, I hope this country you're forming 390 00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:49,186 has free healthcare, pal, 'cause I'm gonna 391 00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:50,521 put a boot so far up your ass, 392 00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,292 you're gonna need five doctors to get it out. 393 00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,661 Heh. He'll do it, man, you better listen to him. 394 00:14:53,662 --> 00:14:55,967 - He's crazy. - I haven't done anything. 395 00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,805 I-I-I just met Maggie, 396 00:14:57,871 --> 00:14:59,073 and she seems so easy... 397 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,244 - What did you say about her... - Hey! 398 00:15:01,311 --> 00:15:03,115 - ...easy to talk to. - Hey, hey! Jeez. 399 00:15:03,116 --> 00:15:04,650 I thought you were the good cops. 400 00:15:04,651 --> 00:15:06,488 Sorry, buddy. You're stuck in a room with two bad cops. 401 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,479 Where's the accent, Belgian boy, huh? 402 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,602 - What happened to that? - I'm an American. 403 00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,566 Liar, okay? I saw Maggie talk to you at the party. 404 00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,169 You were the guy she was most interested in. 405 00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:15,473 That means you must be 406 00:15:15,474 --> 00:15:17,342 the biggest piece of garbage in the room. 407 00:15:17,343 --> 00:15:20,049 - That's just science. - She was laughing at me. 408 00:15:20,082 --> 00:15:21,384 I'm vegan. 409 00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:23,589 I told her I don't eat anything with a face. 410 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:26,195 You said that out loud to a woman? 411 00:15:26,295 --> 00:15:29,234 Colonel, we got the wrong guy. 412 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,670 That means... 413 00:15:30,737 --> 00:15:33,642 Wait, you still haven't told me your name. 414 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,448 Oh, my name is Bobby. 415 00:15:36,482 --> 00:15:38,585 And it's a real pleasure to officially 416 00:15:38,619 --> 00:15:42,026 meet you, Captain Maggie of, uh, Stroopsdorf. 417 00:15:43,495 --> 00:15:47,403 And you're not sure how you ended up at this party? 418 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,607 Oh, I mean, I just walked through the door, 419 00:15:49,608 --> 00:15:51,880 but I can tell you all the roads 420 00:15:51,946 --> 00:15:53,026 I took that led me here. 421 00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:55,988 Yes, it is a real saw. 422 00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,824 What do you think I am, a hack? 423 00:15:57,858 --> 00:15:59,361 Let's do this. 424 00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:02,533 Wow. I think we're gonna be in the splash zone. 425 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,139 Then maybe we should get out of here. 426 00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,541 Yeah. Hey. 427 00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:08,846 So in your country, can you marry your cousin? 428 00:16:08,847 --> 00:16:10,249 No. 429 00:16:10,282 --> 00:16:11,752 Music to my ears. Let's go. 430 00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,965 Voila. 431 00:16:18,065 --> 00:16:19,467 I know it's just laundry, 432 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,774 but these facilities are as impressive as everyone said. 433 00:16:22,841 --> 00:16:24,310 Mm. 434 00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:27,083 Well, it's nice to be talked about. 435 00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:28,218 It's sturdy. 436 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,286 And not to brag, 437 00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:31,091 but we do laundry for a lot 438 00:16:31,092 --> 00:16:32,760 of important bases all over Europe. 439 00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:36,936 Come on, I'm sure you have more than that to brag about. 440 00:16:37,003 --> 00:16:40,242 - So, Bobby... - Mm-hmm? 441 00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:41,746 Tell me more about yourself. 442 00:16:41,813 --> 00:16:45,888 What, uh, gets you out of bed in the morning? 443 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:51,465 Don't, love, but, uh, my love for my country. 444 00:16:51,531 --> 00:16:53,402 - Same. Same. - Really? 445 00:16:53,435 --> 00:16:54,671 I'm literally wearing 446 00:16:54,704 --> 00:16:56,842 red, white and blue underwear right now. 447 00:16:56,843 --> 00:17:01,684 Well, there's a reason we both become soldiers, I guess, 448 00:17:01,685 --> 00:17:05,592 to fight for something that we truly believe in. 449 00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:10,738 Uh, are the lights flickering in here? 450 00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:14,209 I would describe it as more of a-a jolt. 451 00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:15,511 You're talking about the lights? 452 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,483 Yeah. Yeah. Uh, well, we've had, uh, 453 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:20,223 electrical problems in the past, so could be. 454 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,460 - But, you know... - Hey, I can fix it. 455 00:17:22,494 --> 00:17:23,996 Just show me the breaker box. 456 00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:25,299 - Oh. - Yeah. 457 00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:26,903 Uh, handy. 458 00:17:26,936 --> 00:17:28,139 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 459 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,176 - I'll show you the breaker box. - Mm-hmm. 460 00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:32,413 Clear. 461 00:17:32,414 --> 00:17:33,848 You know we have keys for all these doors, right? 462 00:17:33,849 --> 00:17:37,357 What's more important to you, door jams or freedom? 463 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,527 Well, Bastian just turned on his phone. 464 00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:41,432 Okay, I got to ping on the location. 465 00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:42,800 Okay. Maggie and Bastian are in the laundry room. 466 00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:44,536 - Let's go. Let's go. - Hang on, one sec. 467 00:17:44,537 --> 00:17:46,876 Okay. 468 00:17:46,943 --> 00:17:48,345 Are you done? 469 00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:50,416 - What? - What? 470 00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,921 Yeah. So I think that the breaker box 471 00:17:52,954 --> 00:17:54,257 is somewhere in there, 472 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:58,966 but, uh, the electricity is here. 473 00:18:04,144 --> 00:18:05,814 I have to tell you, Bobby, 474 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,652 that my instincts are usually pretty terrible. 475 00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:10,188 I just pick all the wrong people 476 00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:11,390 for all different kinds of reasons 477 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,727 that we don't have to get into. 478 00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:15,099 But I stopped trusting myself, you know? 479 00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:18,839 But tonight has given me hope that I can trust myself again. 480 00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:20,109 So, thank you. 481 00:18:20,176 --> 00:18:21,511 - Is it in here or... - Uh, no. 482 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:24,348 Your phone background is the Belgian separatist flag. 483 00:18:24,384 --> 00:18:25,486 I'm no dummy. 484 00:18:25,519 --> 00:18:27,390 - And it's an ugly flag. - No. 485 00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:29,261 Did you just lock me in? 486 00:18:29,327 --> 00:18:30,897 Hey! Hey! Open the door! 487 00:18:33,702 --> 00:18:35,539 - Mmm. - Damn it. 488 00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:38,178 - Yeah. - He's gone. 489 00:18:38,245 --> 00:18:40,216 You know what? 490 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,719 This is your fault. 491 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,123 - It's not my fault. - You know, you always do this. 492 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,259 Do what? 493 00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,593 You always put your job before Maggie, 494 00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:48,532 and you did it again. 495 00:18:48,533 --> 00:18:50,501 There's a room full of nice guys over there 496 00:18:50,502 --> 00:18:52,572 waiting for her right now, and she's not there. 497 00:18:52,573 --> 00:18:54,577 Why isn't she there? 498 00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:56,916 Because of me, okay? 499 00:18:56,983 --> 00:18:58,084 I get it. 500 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,556 In my defense... 501 00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:02,327 - Hey! - Oh, Maggie. 502 00:19:02,393 --> 00:19:03,797 - Hi. - Hi. 503 00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:06,067 T-there's a Belgian separatist that's running around the base. 504 00:19:06,068 --> 00:19:08,305 - So we've been trying to... - Yeah, yeah, I know. 505 00:19:08,338 --> 00:19:09,440 I, uh, I caught him. 506 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,277 I trapped him in the laundry office. 507 00:19:11,278 --> 00:19:12,646 - Oh, you caught him? - Yeah. 508 00:19:12,647 --> 00:19:15,553 I knew something was up. He was way too into laundry. 509 00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:17,356 - Yeah. - I'll just... 510 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,094 - You, you... - Oh, yeah. 511 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,864 Okay. 512 00:19:20,931 --> 00:19:25,205 All right, listen, uh, you were right, and... 513 00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:27,643 You do, you deserve an apology. 514 00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:31,385 You don't have to actually apologize. 515 00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:33,054 I really am sorry. 516 00:19:35,827 --> 00:19:39,267 I've been a really lousy role model. 517 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:40,871 And I-I'm now, and I'm here 518 00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:42,941 and I should try to be a better one. 519 00:19:44,544 --> 00:19:46,648 - Okay. - Oh, oh, it's okay, baby. 520 00:19:46,716 --> 00:19:48,285 - No, it's fine. - I'm sorry. 521 00:19:48,352 --> 00:19:50,622 No, I interrupted. You go on. 522 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,493 Oh, no, no. That was-that was it. 523 00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:54,462 Oh, I thought you would, that there's like 524 00:19:54,463 --> 00:19:56,535 more to be sorry for. 525 00:19:56,601 --> 00:19:58,907 Well, honey, I kind of meant that was like a... 526 00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:00,541 blanket apology, so there wasn't- 527 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,814 Oh, what about missing my birth? 528 00:20:02,815 --> 00:20:04,583 Your mother and I had a conversation 529 00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:05,820 about the following weekend... 530 00:20:05,821 --> 00:20:07,522 Never teaching me how to ride a bike. 531 00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,259 I couldn't find a helmet that fit your head 532 00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:10,695 'cause your head's oddly-shaped. 533 00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:13,469 Okay, what about never telling me that you love me? 534 00:20:13,502 --> 00:20:17,543 I came so close on 9-11. 535 00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:19,514 I am peacefully resisting. 536 00:20:19,581 --> 00:20:21,418 - Work. - Hey, what's up? 537 00:20:21,484 --> 00:20:23,823 So, so much cologne. But... 538 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,794 - Hey, can I still call you? - Yeah. 539 00:20:25,861 --> 00:20:27,697 - No, no. - No, no, no, no, no. 540 00:20:27,764 --> 00:20:30,169 You won't be calling anybody for a while, pal. 541 00:20:30,236 --> 00:20:31,538 Let's go. Come on. 542 00:20:31,604 --> 00:20:33,977 You can call your lawyer. How about that? 543 00:20:34,044 --> 00:20:36,114 Should we get you back to that party? 544 00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:37,198 Nah, I don't think 545 00:20:37,283 --> 00:20:40,455 any of those guys are the right guy for me, you know? 546 00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:43,997 Yeah. 547 00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:45,800 So... 548 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,737 He was tall, though. 549 00:20:47,804 --> 00:20:49,875 A little too tall. 550 00:20:54,283 --> 00:20:56,655 - Uh, hey, dude. - Oh, hey. 551 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,618 - Thank you again for tonight. - Mm-hmm. 552 00:20:58,619 --> 00:21:00,929 And look, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but hey, 553 00:21:00,930 --> 00:21:04,170 at least this time you realized you picked the bad guy. 554 00:21:04,271 --> 00:21:06,842 Oh, yes, progress. 555 00:21:06,843 --> 00:21:08,745 Look, sometimes you don't get what you want 556 00:21:08,746 --> 00:21:10,349 and you get what you need. 557 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,951 And turns out, I needed to watch 558 00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:13,756 my dad speed date 50 men for me. 559 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:15,530 Who's your favorite quarterback? 560 00:21:15,592 --> 00:21:18,398 Um, I don't actually like American football. 561 00:21:18,465 --> 00:21:20,669 - Bye-bye. - Dad. 562 00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:22,840 What am I supposed to talk to him about on Thanksgiving? 563 00:21:22,841 --> 00:21:24,677 You don't come to Thanksgiving. 564 00:21:24,710 --> 00:21:27,250 I'm coming to Thanksgiving starting this year. 565 00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:32,592 Sarcastic applause. That's what you give me. 566 00:21:32,593 --> 00:21:34,397 You get that from your mother. 567 00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:35,801 Favorite quarterback? 568 00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:38,071 It's going so well. 569 00:21:38,121 --> 00:21:42,671 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0